Just something I realized.
“Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found where their respect for you ends.“
Can we unpack this real quick?
There have been so many times I have noticed where people draw a line in the sand with their boundaries, and I do my best never to cross them. I’m a fiery, passionate person, and I always want the absolute best for people, myself included. So I am highly aware that I can come off a little pushy at times because I like the absolute best for myself; therefore, it can trickle over into how I feel people I care for should want for themselves.
With that in mind, I’d be a fibber if I said that my boundaries were honored in return. I have more memories of letting shit slide out of love than I do of standing my ground.
That shit has changed over the years, trust me! I had to learn the hard way; several times, I might add that my feelings and the boundaries that I set were extremely crucial to not only who I am but also in place to help support the new structure of who I am working on becoming. And letting my boundaries be trampled on in the past left me questioning over and over why I was faced with people being upset with me placing them there in the first place.
Like damn! Why do we do that? Why are we programmed to let things slide out of love? Then suffer in silence for the sake of love. Why aren't we taught to address stuff out of love when we feel disrespected? And why do people immediately become defensive when you express that you’re hurt by them having the audacity to try you?
"YOU TRIED IT!" Beanie - more "You Tried It!" items available for purchase
Does it come from the need of always wanting to be right?
A few years ago, if someone said this to me, I’d straight up laugh in their faces. If you thought I would go high when someone went low, you were out of your mind! My absolute favorite thing to do was to put someone in their place for disrespecting me. And that to me meant meeting you right where you left it—then finishing it!
Nicknaming myself “The Word Assassin,” there was no way I wasn’t going to say something to cut the shit out of you for having the audacity to disturb my peace with your nonsense. Not even fully connecting the dots that I was worrying whatever kind of peace could be made by retaliating with the same energy.
Well, with time and experience, praise the most high; this has changed! Of course, I will correct someone, but now after tons and tons of books and tons and tons of conversations and altercations and self-isolation, I’ve learned too much psychology to be upset when someone says something shady to me. GO ME!
Finally realizing that not everything people say or do is a reflection of me. And more often than not, it is entirely all about them. Hearing people bash others and dismiss people for their talents and gifts is ultimately a cry for help. It's inward disapproval that just so happens to be directed towards me or anyone else they encounter reminding them of what they lack. So responding intelligently not only disarms the aggressor but also empowers you because you were able to spot the setup and pivot the bullshit. GO YOU!