· By SHAMELESS AVE
I Am Rocking The Crown I Deserve
This month's full moon brings with it tons of perfectionism energy. And I'm hella here for it! If you have been reading my blog from the start or keeping up with me on my podcast, you know this spiritual chick is in love with all things transitional. I love a good cleanse! Everyone deserves a good ass purge of unwanted emotions and a release for any self-deprecating mental anguish caused by ourselves and or trauma from relationships and experiences.
My last blog explored the difference between narcissist behaviors and intuitive guidance. At the time, I was conflicted because I genuinely knew what I want out of life, and sometimes I could come off as selfish. I was battling with that word because I have been called that several times and it's all been because I am a person who plans and executes. But not so much a person willing to share what I am planning while in the middle of it. I just don't enjoy outside energy in my shit.
Point. Blank. Period.
Combining that mindset with the vision of what I am doing and how I go about things, I can see how it can appear to outsiders that I am closed off, self-focused, and unwilling to compromise. But deep down, I'm listening. I'm alchemizing and mostly battling with myself to stay in my lane. I love to create things. To articulate in any way I can who I am, what I've learned, and where I am going. And honestly, my unorthodox method of growth is tailored made for me, by me, and it just hasn't been done before. With those loud ass facts, no wonder what I do and say can be confusing. I remember tiring myself out and being thrown off my game when I would constantly share my plans, dreams, excitement, etc., with anyone before I finished breathing life into it.
What I experienced was just different forms of heartbreak. Created by outside opinions saying it would never work. Opinions saying it doesn't make sense. Or just plain ol' looks that say, "Why did I even ask." And, of course, it has sometimes been negative feedback. Of course, I've received positivity too. But the negativity stayed with me because I disagreed with it. And slowly, my passion was fueled by showing proof that the opinions were wrong instead of being driven by my truth.
I'm letting go of those negative memories that have haunted me for so long.
I have realized this: it takes emotional intelligence to start something from scratch. It takes discipline to be authentic. Especially when we live in a world of clones, and the clones aren't necessarily teaching and uplifting people to be decent human beings. I am a lover of words, so how I speak and how I listen is very important to me. And though they are essential, the words spoken have no power over me. Good or Bad. And when I choose to talk and share what I know, I select those words carefully because deep inside me lives a duality. A duality that consists of light and dark attributes, and if I unleash my darkness with love far from view, I can be lethal.
Lethal to others and, ultimately myself.
From this moment on, it's all about unlearning the negative feelings that come with opening up and sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings. To be comfortable in any uncertainty I may face because I hold all the power over what I seek. And no matter what words are spoken to me or about me behind my back, I am ultimately the only one who can destroy or completely uplift me. No matter how many times I try something, even if I fail the first time, I have a choice to rebuild any foundation associated with me.
THIS IS THE VIBE, HUNNTYYY!!!!
"I know that my goals are achievable."
"I know that I am learning."
"I know that I am not perfect."
"I know that I will not be liked or understood by everyone, which is okay with me."
"I know I can make the ugliest situations beautiful by simply being me."
"I know that I will always be willing to go the extra mile to achieve whatever I wish to achieve. And by that fact alone, I will always overcome anything."
God intended us to learn from our mistakes. He places us in situations constantly to grow us. To help nurture our minds. And if we hold negativity around our uniqueness, then we will continuously cancel out our blessings we wish to receive. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to move forward. To experience more like-minded people. And to just be.
YEAAAHHHH... that's all I have for today y'all!!
Until next time, Stay Shamelessly You Peoples!