Time and time again I lost myself in other people. Soaking up their pain and suffering like a sponge and taking on their burdens disguised in “friendship”. What I noticed about doing that was it often left me feeling depleted and confused. Confused about where I stood with myself and where I stood with them. Burying yourself in what I call “relationship debt”, is the constant feeling of needing to repay a favor and give when you don't have any to give. And you do this because of your loyalty to the relationship. Well, I'm here to tell you, the lie detector test determines, that THAT IS A LIE! I realized I was just too afraid to love myself boldly in the open. We give so many negative opinions about people loving themselves proudly that consequently, people shy away from being themselves out of fear of other people's perceptions. What would they think if I did that? How will they feel if I stop doing this or that?
And all these feelings come from decades of wearing false masks to please people. Masks you've worn since childhood when your parents wanted you to wear dresses all the time, even though you despise them. So now your whole wardrobe at 35, is nothing but floral print dresses, bold patterned shirts, and heels that hurt your feet. All the while you looovvve black! And jeans are your favorite thing to wear. And instead of flowers, you fuck with dragons! Your whole identity is a lie.
When you start to love yourself first in everything that you do, life becomes much easier. We're all searching for our purpose in life and sadly many people won't find it because your purpose resides deep within your passion. And to know what you're passionate about, you have to first love yourself enough to want to explore it openly. You must be unapologetic about how it looks or feels in comparison to what someone else perceives it. You have to be willing to be comfortable in the uncomfortable moments because you know that trying new things just like everything else, has an adjustment period. You have to shed all the unnecessary masks that aren't you anymore and maybe never were you, to begin with. And from there you will start rediscovering who you truly are. It all starts with you first loving yourself.
What's the first step you will take to show yourself more love openly?